Why Certain Loved Ones in Spirit Come Through During a Reading and Not Others

Karen T. Hluchan
8 min readMay 26, 2020
Woman smiling with her head resting on her hands

When sitting for a reading, everyone has certain people they would like to hear from, such as their mother, grandfather, significant other, or pet. However, there are times when the loved one you long to hear from does not step forward on their own to share communications from the Other Side. It does not mean they do not love you, but rather that the people or pets coming through have something very important to share with you that can only be shared by them due to their relationship with you, their experiences in life, and what you need on a soul level to help you with your life at the time of the reading.

Get the Most Out of Your Reading with an Open Mind and Heart

Keeping an open mind about who is coming through for you is important for getting the most out of communications from your loved ones in spirit. They know better than you what you need for your life to bring healing, closure, and guidance because they know on a soul level what you need to grow and evolve in this lifetime. You can request a specific loved one in spirit to come through; however, it is up to that loved one in spirit to decide whether it is in your best interest to come through. Most of the time they do; however, there have been a few rare times when they have not readily stepped up in order to allow another loved one in spirit to bring through communications from the Other Side. Here are some of the reasons why this may occur:

The Need for Your Heart to Heal

There are times when deep grief can be overwhelming. Your loved ones in spirit recognize the need for you to heal and adjust to the new reality of not having them physically with you on Earth. When in very deep grief, there can sometimes be a tendency to hold on to the past so strongly that forward movement is being temporarily blocked. Your loved ones in spirit recognize this and know you need time and space to heal. It may seem counter to what you think you need; however, they know you may be attempting to hold on to them too strongly and may not be open to what they need to share with you. Giving yourself some time to heal and work through your grief immediately following the crossing of a loved one allows you to be as open as possible to their communications. There are also times when people attempt to see multiple spirit mediums in a short period of time to hold onto the past, which does not allow the heart and soul to heal. Your loved ones in spirit know what you need when you need it, and the one you are constantly trying to connect with may hold back from coming through to give you the space you need to heal and move forward with your life. In this instance, other loved ones in spirit will come through to help you with your life and the challenges you are facing.

They Need Assistance Bringing Through Messages

In certain situations, loved ones in spirit may need assistance communicating through a spirit medium. This can sometimes occur when a loved one has recently crossed over into Heaven and has not yet learned how to communicate spirit-to-spirit on their own, or they are spending time in the spiritual hospital to heal their soul or to be fully woken up in Heaven, as is the case with those who were catatonic for a long period of time while on Earth. During a reading, another loved one in spirit may come through first to help with the communication process. They are there to lend their support, love, and expertise to help the loved one in spirit to share communications with you.

There Are Others in Spirit Who Have Important Communications to Help You with Your Life

There are times when you would like to hear from a particular loved one in spirit, such as your mother, but your father comes through instead. This does not mean that your mother does not love you or want to communicate with you. It means your father has messages for you to help you with your life that only he can deliver because of his relationship with you and his experiences in life. Your loved ones in spirit have a unique perspective on your life from Heaven. They know more about you and the events destined for your life than you may realize. It is because of this that one particular loved one in spirit may be the one to share communications with you, instead of the one you wanted to hear from that day. Communications from Heaven contain healing messages at the deeper soul-level. Even when they are helping you with seemingly simple occurrences or events in your day-to-day life, they are providing you with proof of their existence beyond life on Earth, as well as their knowledge and ability to help you across dimensions. This information may be just what you need to believe in our existence beyond life on Earth and to know that your connection with them is as vital and loving as it was in life.

They Are Ashamed of How They Passed or How They Treated You

When someone has had a hand in the ending of their life, such as from suicide, a drug overdose, or chronic alcoholism, these loved ones in spirit have a tendency to wait in the background or hesitate to come through. This is because they are not proud of how they died or how they brought pain to those they love while they were living and in their manner of passing. They do not want to cause more pain. Their reluctance to step forward has to do with their own sadness with the way they passed, as well as their disappointment in themselves for bringing pain to others and missing out on what could have been in their lifetime. The consequences they experience from their actions on Earth require much healing for their souls in the spiritual hospital in Heaven. During their healing, they are also provided with coping mechanisms and insights to help them work through similar situations in their next lifetime. Even though they have received healing, there is still a sense of sadness for their actions on Earth that comes through when they do communicate. If you or someone you love is struggling with depression or substance abuse, contact a licensed therapist, call your National Suicide Hotline, or a substance abuse specialist to get help with the healing process while here on Earth where it is crucial for the soul to receive help as soon as possible.

You Already Communicate with Them Every Day and They May Put Others Before Themselves

Some people are very much in tune with their loved ones in spirit and they communicate with them every day through their thoughts and speaking out loud to them. The answers are received through signs, urges to take positive actions, answers through music, and much more. Because the relationship is already in tune and they are comfortable with the love you share, they may allow others in spirit to come through first if they have important messages to share with the recipient. At times, they may be displaying an aspect of their personality in which they would put others before themselves. Once that is acknowledged, they will step forward with their messages. As a note, healing, assistance, and messages from Heaven can come from people you would not expect, including great-grandparents or grandparents you did not know in life, a friend whom you helped more than you realized, in-laws and ex-in-laws, pets, and more.

Lack of Faith or Lack of an Open Mind

There are times when a lack of faith by the recipient gets in the way of communications from the Other Side. A loved one in spirit may be trying to come through, but the person sitting for the reading may be holding out for one specific piece of information to come through before they will claim them. Even though loved ones in spirit may be bringing through a lot of detailed information about their life, houses they lived in, their personality, their work, and more, some recipients reject the information because they are only listening for a “pre-arranged” code word or specific piece of information to confirm them by. For instance, on the day of a reading, the recipient may ask in their mind for a loved one in spirit to say “pickles” in a reading, just so they can know it is them. Sometimes loved ones in spirit will comply with that request and other times they will not. Most of the time it backfires because we do not control how our loved ones in spirit behave or communicate. The holding out creates a block because the recipient is attempting to control how the loved one in spirit decides to come through. There are a lot of lessons in that. Neither the medium nor the recipient controls what loved ones in spirit decide to bring through. Faith plays an important role for the spirit medium and the recipient during a reading. The loved one in spirit knows what the recipient needs for the growth of their soul. Letting go of the desire to control can be one of the important factors and lessons for the recipient, which is why they will not always play the game of bringing through that code word or piece of information, but will bring many other pieces of information which are unique to them. There are deep spiritual reasons for their behavior and if you are doubting the existence of Heaven, they may bring through information in a way that requires an open mind and your belief in their existence in order for you to receive it.

Knowing They Love You

Our loved ones in spirit truly know what we need for our hearts and souls. When sitting for a reading, it is best to keep an open mind and heart to those who will be coming through, how they come through, and the messages they bring. By doing so, you allow yourself to be the recipient of information and knowledge from your loved ones in spirit in Heaven that will help you with your life and help you grow as a soul. They are privy to the bigger picture when they are sharing information with you and they can help guide you through situations of healing, to improved circumstances, to an understanding about our existence beyond life on Earth, and much more. Most importantly, they love you and every aspect of you, and they also want what is best for you and all whom you love.

With Love and Light,
Karen T. Hluchan



Karen T. Hluchan

I am a international Spirit Medium, Reiki master, paranormal investigator, motivational speaker, spiritual artist, and author of “How Have You Loved?”